Go home
The Spirit Has Gone…
I’ve been packing some of my stuff and found that…I brought a lot of stuff up here. Books, craft materials, etc, etc. I also remember that everytime I went to hometown, I thought my sewing stuff and books were more complete there but I found it then that there weren’t. My stuff were more complete here…
I realized then, that perhaps, by nature, without my own realize, I was thinking to “surrender” and living here in the mountain. I armed myself with my hobbies and a lot of “killing-time” plans & armor but seemed it didn’t work at all.
I brought a lot of my cooking magazine. I didn’t use it much…really-really not much. I couldn’t find important ingredients here . It was such a waste to bring them all here.
I brought a lot of fashion sewing reference books. Again, I didn’t sew much sewing. I thought I could count on the hobby shop here. Apparently, I couldn’t. I needed zippers, but there’s no zipper. I needed some quality-linings, but it was such already lucky to have a linings with any, any color. Situation like this really-really killed my spirit to sew. I didn’t know anymore what to do!
Day by day, I didn’t know what to do (even until now, the last time(s) before moving out). I’m running out of idea. I don’t like “stupid” hanging out with people. Besides, where should we go? There’s a “coffee shop” here but…oh, boy, so expensive, so undelicious. Talking about another way to waste some money my husband earns…I’d rather stay at home.
Sometimes, I thought, I just wanted to go out to get another fresh atmosphere. But there’s always nothing new, here. Same people, 1 shopping center (small, too).
Some people may see this place as “heaven” but I’d rather to say it’s a HELL!
A lot of ugly experiences…with some fuck people, fuck environment, fuck everything.
I really don’t know anymore. I guess, that was one that has made me paralized (x.x). I didn’t realize it myself, until I do packing…
I realize that the spirit has gone…I’m just a frustrated-in-silence and powerless human living here in one of the most sucking place on earth
I didn’t like my hometown once but now, i can see that it’s much much much much much better than this mountain. Some people are sucks, too, there, but I have my own life there. I can do something else myself. They can’t bug me or interfere my life. They sucks, I’ll, too!
Here. I can’t even have my own life. Stay at home, do nothing. Getting feel useless and useless from day to day. Hanging out will be worse because most people here are the worst! Not the expats, not the locals. So arrogant, so…how would I say this in english?…mmm…it’s like a person who just becomes powerful, or rich or sudden-celebrity-high-class…They weren’t appreciated before but here, they are pretty appreciated. That what makes them arrogant and so…sorry, in my opinion, looks stupid…like they are the “MOST” on earth…oh, yes, they are…the most sucking people alive…mmmm…not all, but I can count people who are not like that…
I hope everything will be better. Although, I’ll be going back hometown, but I still hope my husband will get a better job, out of this mountain. Capitalist…they are up to no good at all.
His spirit has actually gone, too, but he can keep it shining a bit. I admire him for being able to do that. I can’t…I give up living here. I can live here but not without tears, not without sad face.
My husband said to me yesterday,”I want you to laugh again…” Seems like, I don’t laugh anymore since I live here…I was such a laughter and joker…I loose that “adjective”, too, since living here…
No…I laugh…when I’m watching Sergeant Keroro, Ranma 1/2, Slam Dunk. Sometimes, I can see my husband seems so happy when I’m watching them. Perhaps, because I laugh a lot.
Posted: Tuesday, April 21st, 2009 @ 12:56 am
Categories: Life.
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