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Mind Adventure ~ A Blessing From a Teacher
Some people literally live with it. Climbing, Jumping, Running, Active in social groups, etc, etc
Me?
My adventure is my mind. You, even me, have no idea what I can think of within seconds. It changes within seconds. Jumping here and there.
Sometimes, I feel tired with all of this but really, my mind is jumping!
Perhaps, that’s why I sleep a lot. It is not that I like sleeping but after sleeping my mind feels light and then in 24 hours, it’s filled in again. Like an empty tank, filled in with gas or water.
I’m not hungry when doing sport but when thinking, I do.
People may see me like a teenager or even a kid or ‘happy’ person. Laugh, easy, relax. But no, i’m not that kind of person. An old friend said I was type of what is it…happy, friendly, imaginative, joker, full of laugh personality. When I read a book about it, no, i don’t feel i’m that kind of type. I’m more like melancholy type. It was strange my self at that time but after reading more and more, I am melancholy type. I’m thinking a lot about a lot of things.
And my question is always toward Him. About everything. I don’t really like learning from others but I always ask Him to guide me. If He wants to use other people, then it’s up to Him but from HIM only, I want to learn.
The last memorable adventure, not only mind but physically was initiated by Him. hahaha…What a Teacher I have. XOXOXOXO…
I remember, I alwasy felt like I was in a room, dark…the door handle is inside. So, if someone knocked it, it was only me who can open it. I imagine it like the poster when He was on outside, in front of our door, knocking ‘our heart’…
I always felt, I’d opened the door, but somehow, I didn’t. I was still in that room.
Over and over again, I thought in that room, no one can save me but myself. I depend on myself. I knew God, but He seemed so far. Would He reach me? He could but WOULD He?
Desperately, I said to Him,”God…if I can’t open this door…Please, do something and open it for me…”
Catholic or Christian people will hate that pray…hahahaha…but, I love God so that I don’t want to hide my own heart and mind from Him. I say as it is, as usual…
One day, without my own realize, I opened the door…when I think back again, it was actually like,”Come ‘nichan’, let’s go outside. Don’t you feel bored inside (that room)? Let’s go outside and take a walk (with Me)” . That was how i opened the door.
What a bright world. I walked with Him and met a woman. The one of craziest Catholic charismatic people (Sorry, guys…I’m catholic but i’m not a fan of this community. In fact, I don’t like it. I’m not a fan. Sorry…for not liking it, but for saying the truth). Still, I walked with Him. Until we got there, ‘intersecting street’. I had a very-very big doubt. I had a strange feeling. (Now I feel that at that time He wanted to see whether I could ‘feel’ my own feeling or not).
I asked Him,”Is this community ok? Is this ok for me?” Other people asked for gifts like spirit language, and such a gifts. I didn’t. I asked for an answer (typically Nichan…have my own strange wish). He gave me an answer within days. Not only 1 incident but some. It was like everything was shown to me before my eyes.
This freak charismatic tried to keep me but somehow, I managed to escape. She used ‘evil’ advice with emotional technical blackmail. At that time, somehow, perhaps He whispered to me so I could say something that surprised myself (^O^). Really, it was like spontaneous. She was silent right away. She lost to my Teacher. I wonder sometimes, if she was that good in charismatic, she was supposed to know WHO my Teacher was. Doesn’t she realize, He was walking with me, beside me? If I didn’t realize, well, I wasn’t charismatic. I didn’t have any gift like them. But well, whatever.
The point is, my Teacher got me out of her and all of the community. One day, an SMS from her showed her true face (heart). MY GOOD DEAR TEACHER!!!!!!!!!!!
I guess, my Teacher just want to say something, Yes, my child, I would save you.
more than that, I feel that He wanted me to know that i’m not ‘number one’ and the only one who can save myself.
Really, if i wasn’t saved…i mean LITERALLY saved by by Him, I don’t know what might happen to me right now. Oh, dear Teacher, dear Lord.
Since then, I’m thinking a lot more especially about that occurence.
Also, somehow, since He made me opened the door, my mind has been jumping even more.
I’m afraid. Really afraid. Some people will be happy when having this situation in their life but I’m afraid. Because, at the same time my Teacher close to me and teach me and so the enemies and pressures. But inside of me keep encouraging me and pushing me, keep my spirit to go on.
I hope it’s a true encouragement.
It’s trully a very big honor that You would accept me as a student. Who am I? Such a crazy wacky whining fierce kid but You still accept me and protect me.
I am small and weak, stupid, ‘blind’ and unwise but I want to learn everything in Your way within faith given to me. I don’t have any good and wise words to say to my enemies but You always whisper to me what to say.
Now I get it why St. John Mary Vianney said this:
“Lord is so merciful to me that He didn’t give me me a lot of talents that I can use. I am not smart, not wise, powerless and not strong”
I felt something deep with his words that I bought the bookmark with his words on it. I didn’t get it at the time purchasing but now…yes, I guess I can feel his pray…
Posted: Wednesday, September 23rd, 2009 @ 5:31 pm
Categories: Life, Pray (Personal Chat).
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